The 5 worst jokes of the evening:1. Craig Robinson - Where do cows hang their paintings?
In a moo-seum.
2. Maronzio Vance - I live in a studio apartment. It reminds me that I'm just one room away from being homeless.
3. Kirk Fox - Dude, what makes you think I'm gay?
Your mustache.
My mustache is gay, I'm not.
4. Guy Torry - Did you ever go to the bank? They have like twenty windows, but three people are working. I jumped to the front of the line one time and asked, "Excuse me, aren't you a teller?" She said yes. "Well then, tell her to open the line up."
5. Laurie Kilmarten - I'm in a bad place right now. I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. And I found out in the worst way. I found an email from her to him that said, "You have a handsome penis." I can't believe he's cheating on me with a blind woman.
Here were the most pathetic attempts at comedy:Drag queen standing in the rain - This is dedication. It separates the men from the boys.
Strange clown - Hey, you've got the greatest set of cans I've seen since the hobo campfire.
Multiple people started by saying, "I know what you're thinking." (They obviously didn't...)
Many others began by telling the judges that they were "half [insert ethnicity] and half [insert another ethnicity]." The jokes that followed were all bad.
Man in Devil outfit with guitar - a song about something red
Skippy Greene - They say that if your ears are burning, that means somebody's talking about you. Well, if your crotch is burning, does that mean that somebody's fantasizing about you? I hope so, or that means that I'm in trouble.
Gothic Killer Clown - scary, but not funny
And finally, the 10 best jokes of the evening:1. Natasha Leggero - Now I know why Paula Abdul was constantly high on pills.
2. Felipe Esparza - I used to go to Mexico to party. Now I go there for the medicine.
3. Fortune Feimster - I am so tired. I've been thinking about the gym all day.
4. Laurie Kilmarten - I'm a single mother. My son and I just moved to a new apartment. [Asking son], "Who do you think we should steal cable from? This neighbor here?"
5. Taylor Williamson - I just moved back here from New York City. Here are a few things I learned from my experiences in New York City. First, I learned that pretty girls on subways aren't interested in talking to up and coming comedians. I learned that when you're finished using a condom, you're supposed to tie it in a knot and throw it on the sidewalk. And my favorite thing I learned in New York City: Just because you're homeless, doesn't mean you can't have cats.
6. Amy Claire - I'm dating a doctor. There's a slight chance of me quitting my job and a strong possibility of "accidentally" getting pregnant.
7. Cathy Ladman - The closet I've come to having a facial lately is when I drain macaroni.
8. Shane Mauss - I wish I had a time machine. I'd take a piece of modern technology back with me about 200 or 300 years, just to wow them. I'd be like, "And this is called a computer." And they'd be like, "A computer. Yeah, that's interesting. Say, is that a time machine you just walked out of?"
9. Michael J. Herbert - Recently, I had the hottest girl break up with me. She said I wasn't financially stable. I say that's a lie., cause I'm always broke.
10. Jonathan Thymius - I got mugged. I told the guy I don't have any money. So he got me a job. Now he's there every payday.
http://www.buddytv.com/articles/last-comic-standing/last-comic-standing-the-10-bes-37106.aspx
